


bleed

by deanssammy (babylxxrry)



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Character Bleed, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, fandom drama, kind of, please see notes for tws
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 06:09:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15679569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babylxxrry/pseuds/deanssammy
Summary: He doesn’t look away from the way the water crashes against the rocks. The side of the bridge feels both paper-thin and rock solid against his forearms.[sometimes the fandom overwhelms jared.]





	bleed

**Author's Note:**

> TWs: casual mention of suicide in the form of bridges and rivers. no attempts or death. also brief mention of panic attack type breathing things.
> 
> contains mild fandom wank and show wank.
> 
>  
> 
> in other news, this is the first thing i've had motivation to write for weeks, so it feels good to be done. do let me know if there's any major grammatical/spelling things i missed, as i tend to.
> 
> enjoy!

Jared’s staring at the river when familiar footsteps approach him. He doesn’t look away from the way the water crashes against the rocks. The side of the bridge feels both paper-thin and rock solid against his  forearms.

“Thought I’d find you here,” Jensen says gently, leaning on the railing beside him. Jared dimly notes the distance Jensen’s careful to keep. He doesn’t reply.

“Jay, are you in there? Or is it Sam?” Jensen asks in a perfectly neutral tone, devoid of any feeling but slight concern.

In the back of his head, Jared knows it’s purposeful, it’s an acting thing, it’s meant to take pressure off, but right now, he just needs Jensen to see where he is and meet him there because he doesn’t think he has the strength to open his mouth and give a definite. He slumps forward, hanging his head low as he lets the weight on Sam’s shoulders slip onto his own, as easy as water over stone.

“Sammy,” Jensen says, and Jared’s chest unknots just a little. Jensen knows.

“What happened, Sam?” Jensen asks hesitantly, as if he’s unsure of how to move forward. Sam’s lungs seize up again and he gasps for air, curling into himself and forcing a _breathe_ through the torrent of thoughts in his head.  He crouches, pulling himself into as tight of a ball as he can, clutching at the metal fencing on the side of bridge.

“Are you okay?” Jensen asks, following him down. “Sam, _breathe_ , it’s okay.”

“I need…” Sam chokes out, “… _Dean_. _Please_.” He needs Jensen to see that he can’t do this alone, he can’t breathe until he’s not alone. The water below looks so close. So inviting. The rocks, too. It’d hurt, he thinks, if he jumped, but less than the vice around his lungs right now.

“Hey, hey, Sam. I’m here,” Dean says, close by his ear, and Sam automatically turns towards him, raising his eyes to meet his brother’s for the first time since he got here. The worry and the softness and the protectiveness he sees is all Dean. He takes a breath and unclenches his fists, wincing when the metal unsticks from his palms. He looks down, and the rocks aren’t looming up in his vision anymore. The water still threatens to consume him along with his mind, but he couldn’t do that to Dean. He wouldn’t.

“There you are,” Dean murmurs. He takes Sam’s hands gently, rubbing the imprints out of his skin. It tingles, and Sam presses his lips together. “Come on back, Sammy. I’m here.”

“ _Dean_ ,” Sam says, because it’s the only word he knows, the only word that can push its way out without breaking him. “ _Dean_.”

“I’m here, baby. I’m here. Come back to me, Sam.” Dean’s voice is low and gentle and soothing and Sam follows it blindly, lets Dean guide them so they’re sitting with their backs against the fence. “Come back, little brother. I’m here, it’s okay.”

Sam sighs heavily, dropping his forehead against Dean’s shoulder. Dean’s hand comes up to rest on the nape of his neck, stroking gently up and down with his thumb. Thoughts are still crowding Sam’s head, but they’re slower now, less persistent, less strident.

“Yeah, there you go. Come back here, Sammy, I got you.”

Sam lets himself breathe a little deeper. The water rushing below is just a background hum now. Dean’s presence is slowly encompassing his vision, his thoughts, his everything, until there’s no more room for anything else. Sam shuts his eyes, hard.

“Jen,” Jared breathes out, pulling himself to the surface and breaking through, finally. “Jensen.”

Dean’s gone with Sam, and Jensen’s left sitting next to Jared, fingers combing through his hair.

“Hey, Jay. There you are. I was getting a little worried,” Jensen says, and he looks it. He’s gnawing at his lip, and his eyes are full of concern.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to let him through,” Jared says, sitting back just far enough to put himself out of Jensen’s touch. “God, I don’t know why it keeps happening.” He does, though, but he doesn’t want to think about it.

“It’s because Sam hasn’t got a resolution,” Jensen says, tracing patterns on the concrete with his fingertip. “And he desperately needs one. And that’s inevitably going to bleed over, especially if there was a big trigger.”

Jared shrugs. “Yeah, but there wasn’t a trigger for it like there usually is. I was just running and then it was like Sam hit me in the face with a truck. And I ended up here.”

“Oh Jay,” Jensen sighs, reaching out to cup Jared’s cheek. Jared lets him, leaning just a little into the warmth. It grounds him a little, keeps Sam’s panic at bay. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Jared shakes his head. “It’s not your fault. Thinking back, though, I think there might’ve been something, it was just a super delayed and fucked up response. Not something I would’ve guessed.”

“Yeah?”

Jared sighs. “I’m on the wrong side of the fandom again. It’s all of the people cracking so-called _jokes_ about me and whatever I’ve said in the past and about how I should just die. That might have kicked Sam awake.” Actually, he _knows_ that particular sentiment was what triggered Sam, and he’s kicking himself for letting it get that far.

Jensen groans. “Oh, come on. This was in response to my tweet, wasn’t it. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I wasn’t thinking.”

“No, it’s not your fault,” Jared says again. “I went scrolling through the replies this morning and ended up too far.”

“Did you at least see all of our people defending you, though?”

“I did.” Jared nods, thinking back to before the run. “It’s just that it’s so easy to let the negatives get in. I should be used to it by now, I don’t know why it still hurts so much.”

“You’re human, love, that’s why. And you shouldn’t have to get used to being bullied. That’s not right. And I’m sorry I started them up.”

Jared doesn’t know how to reply, so he just buries his face in Jensen’s neck and lets himself be held tight. He can feel how restless Sam is, though, and they can only do so much off-set without damaging the on-camera storyline characterizations. He knows Sam needs some form of closure soon, before all of the trauma and unresolved problems weave themselves into Jared’s life more than they already have. In regards to the other thing, the bullshit that started it all, Jared knows Jensen well enough to know he’ll say something subtle at the next panel, but there’s no escaping the day-to-day bullshit that shows up on his fan accounts.

“It’s almost time to be done, isn’t it?” Jensen asks, quiet and sudden. “With the show.”

“Yeah,” Jared murmurs, as sad as it makes him. “It really is.”

“One more season, baby, we’re almost there.”

“I’m trying, I really am.” Jared searches Jensen’s eyes for something that says he understands.

“I know,  Jay. And that’s all you can do.”

 

 

-fin.

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment or kudos if you would have given sam (or jared!) the biggest virtual hug


End file.
